Words of Truth

As part of my annual trip to Iowa for family camp and visiting relatives and friends, I make a point of going to go to the Iowa State Fair.  I enjoy wandering around, looking at the cows, the horses, etc.   The first stop was to get a funnel cake.  We bought two from a concession right on the Main Concourse in front of the Varied Industries building.  Unfortunately, we picked the concession stand run by three 14 year olds who didn’t know how to make funnel cakes.  Mine was thick, doughy, and undercooked.  The funnel cake is supposed to resemble lace.  This one resembled a thick rope. I took it back after a few bites and got my money back.

We go through the Varied Industries building and usually find interesting things.  Not so much this year.  There seemed to be about six hot tub displays in the building, which seemed excessive to us.  Usually there’s a piano store booth with several pianos where my son can play for a few minutes, but this booth was gone.  We said hi to the people at the booth for the Iowa Association of Regular Baptists, and even ran into one of the missionaries from our previous week at family camp.  Other than this booth (and the two right to life booths), there really wasn’t much that interested me.  I thought maybe one or more of the presidential candidates might have a booth set up, but I couldn’t find one.

Then we went to find more food.  We found another funnel cake booth and got a replacement one (and an elephant ear), and I went to get my annual “Guinea Grinder.”  This is a hoagie bun with hot sausage and mozzarella cheese and I look forward to it every year.  It’s the only thing I really eat that is spicy.  I approached the location of the stand (right by the public restrooms….coincidence?)  and saw that they had changed the name to “Jenny Grinder”.  What?   I asked the guy, “When did you change the name?”  He said, “We didn’t. One person complained, and now we can’t call it that anymore. But that’s still what it is.”

Evidently the word “Guinea” is a racial slur against Italians.  I’m guessing because Italian sausage is used in the sandwich, but I’m not sure.  I looked up the word “Guinea” and found out that the basis of the insult is that it implies the Italian person is too dark skinned to be a white person, and may in fact come from the Guinea region of Africa (West Africa).  So the whole reason the term is offensive is that it compares a white person to a black person?  In the post-civil rights, racial equality world in which we live, why is it still offensive to be compared to a black person.  I am offended that someone would be offended by this. I’m sorry, but are we going to change the name of the country of Guinea? Guinea-Bissau? Equatoreal Guinea? Papua New Guinea?  Guinea pigs? No?  Then leave my guinea grinder alone.

I said, “one please” and handed him my money. He handed me the sandwich with a knowing look, and I said, “Thanks for the guinea grinder.”  He smiled and said, “You’re welcome.”    I ate quickly, because we needed to get out of there since it was “Eastsider Night” and we didn’t want to get stabbed.

Look, people, leave the names of things alone. If there’s a really good reason for changing the name of something, then by all means do so. If you own the thing named, go ahead and call it whatever you want.  But don’t walk around insisting that other people change the names of things because your sensibilities are offended.

My guinea grinder was delicious.

I was not a father until he existed.  He was born five and a half weeks early 18 years ago.  We had signed up to take a one-day lamaze class, but the class was on Saturday. He was born two days before that.  We weren’t ready for him yet.  The crib wasn’t set up. We hadn’t bought the stuff he needed (diapers, etc).  And yet he came.  He was supposed to be born a month after my college graduation, but he came a week before.  We were not ready.

That phrase was so true then, and it’s true now as well.  We aren’t ready for him to leave.  I think back on the last 18 years, and he has always been there.  Playing with his legos.  Making a mess.  Asking questions. Playing on the computer.  Eating all the food. Being weird.  Playing with his sisters.  Building snowmen. Being stubborn.  Being a boy.

And now he’s about to go off to college.  I know he’s coming home at Christmas. I know he’s coming home next summer.  But it won’t be the same.  For the next four months, he won’t be here. He’s going to start meeting a whole bunch of people and having a whole bunch of experiences that I won’t be a part of. I’m happy for him. But I will miss him. We will say goodbye to him next Sunday, and leave him behind.

And we’re not ready.

I am a fan of the Star Trek universe.  I have enjoyed most of the shows and movies in the Star Trek universe.  I don’t own a Starfleet uniform, but I wouldn’t make fun of you if you wore one.

Today I was watching the Star Trek movie from 2009 (the reboot) for probably the 10th time, when I noticed something.  Obviously there are spoilers so if you haven’t seen this movie, don’t read any farther.  You’ve been warned.

There’s a scene in the movie where Spock is in the captain’s chair, and Nero has just dropped some red matter into the core of Vulcan.  Chekov points out that Nero is creating a singularity (i.e. “black hole”) in the center of Vulcan.  Spock asks how long Vulcan has before it is destroyed.  Chekov replies, “Minutes, Sir.  Minutes.”

Spock then says he is going to beam down to the surface.  He briefly discusses this with Uhura, and then leaves the bridge, giving Chekov the conn at 59 minutes 47 seconds.

Kirk and Sulu fall off the platform, and the transporter crewperson can’t beam them up because they are falling. Chekov realizes that he CAN beam them up, so he is needed in the transporter room. He gives the conn to someone else at 1 hour and 44 seconds. He runs to the transporter room, arriving at 1 hour and 55 seconds.  He successfully beamed Kirk and Sulu back to the Enterprise. Then, at 1 hour, 1 minute and 32 seconds, Spock calmly walks into the transporter room, ordering, “Clear the pad.”  This is so Spock can beam down to the surface of his rapidly dying planet and rescue his parents and the other Vulcan elders.

If we look at the order of events chronologically (leaving out the extra details), it looks like this:

59:47 Spock leaves the bridge heading for the transporter room
1:00:44 Chekov leaves the bridge heading for the transporter room
1:00:55 Chekov reaches the transporter room
1:01:32 Spock reaches the transporter room.

Anybody else see the problem here?  Why did it take Chekov only 11 seconds to get to the transporter room and yet it took Spock (who was in a bigger hurry) 1 minute and 45 seconds? What was Spock doing for that minute and 34 seconds?  Going to the bathroom? Eating a donut?

In any case, this just shows that even though you experience something over and over, there’s always something new to learn.

Ok, you’re here, that means you have at least 5 minutes to kill.  Stop reading my blog and head over to this site to check out the top five contenders for the worst nutrition advice.  Then come back.

I’ll wait.

You’re back?  Ok, well, just in case you didn’t want to click or if all the information confused you, here’s a summary of the top 5 list of worst nutrition advice:

1. Throw Away The Egg Yolks, The Most Nutritious Part of The Egg
2. Everyone Should Eat a Low-Fat, High-Carb Diet… Even Diabetics
3. A Calorie is a Calorie… Food Quality is Less Important
4. Use Polyunsaturated Vegetable Oils For Cooking
5. Replace Natural Butter With Processed, Trans Fat Laden Margarine.

In case you missed it, here’s what you SHOULD do:
1. Eat the whole egg. Yes. As many as you want. Cholesterol is actually good for you.
2. Eat a high fat, low carb diet. Especially diabetics. Your pancreas will thank you.
3. Don’t worry about calories, worry about the quality of your food. 1800 calories of junk is still junk. I can’t stand it when I see “healthy snacks” when it’s a package of small oreos, but they’re “healthy” because they’re only 100 calories.  Yeah.  Your body isn’t a Buick, it’s a complex organism that responds differently to the different things you put in it.
4. Use peanut oil, coconut oil, or olive oil. Stop using corn/canola/vegetable oils. They’re bad for your heart. No, really.  Yes, I know, you’ve been told they are GOOD for your heart.  You were lied to.
5. Eat real butter, not that other stuff that’s yellow and tastes bad. Yes, I know butter is more expensive, but that’s because it’s real food, and really good for you.

On the last point:  Let’s assume you use two pounds of margarine per week. Some of you are saying “Who uses that much??”  Others are saying, “Hello!?! More like two pounds a day!”  But let’s assume 2 pounds on average.   You are paying about $1 per pound for the yellow plastic.  Butter costs about $3 per pound, so it’s more expensive.  But is it worth it?  I say yes!  Over the course of a year, if you replaced your margarine with real butter, you would spend an additional $208 on butter.   That’s sixty cents a day.  Would you pay that much to be healthier and enjoy your food more?  I say yes.