I got a letter from my homeowners association today.  This is what they said:

Dear Homeowner,

While driving through your community I noticed you replaced a garage panel and it is not painted to color of the other panels. Please paint this at your earliest convenience when the weather allows.  If you have any questions regarding this or any other matter please conact me at your earliest convenience.

I sat right down and wrote a reply.  This is what I wrote:

Dear Sir,

One of my garage door panels was replaced late last fall.  I realized when they installed it that it was a different color than the rest of the garage door, and that it would need to be painted as soon as the weather was warm enough to allow me to paint it.  I received your letter dated March 14, 2013 in which you stated that you noticed that one of my garage panels was replaced, and is a different color than the other panels. Your letter was the second letter I received on this issue.  I believe the first one came in December or January.

The purpose of this letter is to inform you that the property where I live (and of which you manage, evidently) is in the state of Indiana.  I don’t know if you are new to our state, but the climate of Indiana is such that it usually stays below 50 degrees from September through March.  The people at Lowe’s have stated that outside painting should be done when the temperature is between 50 and 85 degrees Fahrenheit. I have every intention to paint the panel as soon as the climate allows.  As I type this it is 38 degrees outside my house. The beginning of spring is four days away.  I’m sure it will be above 50 degrees soon.

In the meantime, I would appreciate it very much if you would quit harassing me about the need to fix something that conditions do not currently allow me to fix.  I have no idea why you feel the need to drive through the neighborhood looking for infractions instead of letting people live their lives in peace.  Most of us are good homeowners who try to keep our property looking nice even without the HOA insinuating itself into our lives.  I realize that there are certain people who, if left unchecked, would fail to properly maintain their property (such as leaving old vehicle transmissions in their yard, not mowing their yard, etc). Rest assured that I am not one of these.

The fact that you drive around looking for anything out of line with what you think the community should look like is one of the many reasons that I will never again purchase a home in a homeowners association.  I tried to sell my house last year, and I will be trying again in a few years.  Until that day I will toe your line and put up with your harassment.  I look forward to the day when I can purchase a house and not have someone like you standing over my shoulder telling me I need to get permission to make any changes or sending me a letter to tell me something I already know.

On behalf of harassed homeowners throughout our association,

Me.

Then I sat back and thought about it before sending.  I remembered that I never applied for permission to build my fence, remove part of my porch railing, put up a satellite dish, or make landscaping changes including planting different bushes, build garden boxes in my back yard, and place stones around my mailbox and border of my house.  All of these things were within the bounds of acceptable changes according to our HOA covenant, but technically I was supposed to fill out a permit and wait for permission for each request.  In talking with my neighbors, none of them have ever fill out a permit request, and almost all of them have fences, satellite dishes, etc. I realized that if I made the HOA mad, they might be able to force me to change these things back (or at least cause me a great deal of hassle fighting them).  Here is an article detailing HOA’s doing this very thing.  And so I changed my reply to this before I sent it:

Dear Sir,

One of my garage door panels was replaced late last fall.  I realized when they installed it that it was a different color than the rest of the garage door, and that it would need to be painted as soon as the weather was warm enough to allow me to paint it.  I received your letter dated March 14, 2013 in which you stated that you noticed that one of my garage panels was replaced, and is a different color than the other panels. Your letter was the second letter I received on this issue.  I believe the first one came in December or January.

The purpose of this letter is to inform you that I will be fixing this at the earliest convenient opportunity that the weather allows.  I expect this to be sometime in April. Thank you for your attention, but rest assured that no further vigilance on your part is necessary.

As soon as I sell this house, it is my intention to never again buy a house in a homeowner’s association.  But until that day, discretion is the better part of valor.