I enjoy singing Christmas Carols. O Come, O Come Emmanuel is my favorite. I guess that’s really a hymn, but here’s a secret: I’m not a music major, so I don’t know the difference.
But why are carols limited to Christmas? I don’t remember where I got it, but there was an article I read years ago that referenced Thanksgiving Carols. I only remember one song, and a line from another, but in the interests of making sure these gems don’t disappear forever, I will reproduce them here. If anybody knows who originally wrote them, please let me know so I can give proper attribution.
All I remember about the first song is that it is sung to the tune of “Good King Wenceslas,” and that the first line is “Good dish old coleslaw sat there/Once again uneaten.” That’s pretty funny. But the best song is the one I remember in full. It is sung to the tune of “O Holy Night” and it’s called “O Slippery Knife.”
O slippery knife, you slipped while I was carving
Now I’m in pain as my wife calls the doc.
O slippery knife, you skidded off the breastbone
I’m feeling faint, think I’m going into shock.
I now regret those hours at the whetstone
I now suspect I’ve lost at least a quart.Press on the wound!
Cut off the circulation!
O knife so sharp!
O knife, my tendon’s shorn.
O knife so sharp,
O knife so sharp.
I hope this song can make you smile, as it has for me and my wife for years.
Happy Thanksgiving!
How about a Christmas Song… written by your’s truely?
Christmas Song
God rest ye merry gentlemen, and ladies too I’m sure.
Remember this is modern times, our speech and thoughts be pure
and clear of sexist racist lookist ageist stuff today
in fact ‘twould be best if y’had naught to say, nothing at all.
Then the Mavens of correctness would be pleased.
You say this is a Holy day, but wait here just a sec!
You’re being exclusionary now your PC is a wreck!
Correct your thoughts Correct your speech or you will rue the day
that you tried to say something nice to all, you have your gall.
Just apologize and shut up lest you fall.
Oh crap! Now you have me correcting you and your bad attitude.
My thoughts are in a tizzy, I have really been so rude
For tolerance’s the greatest good and now I’m in a mess
I hope you’re happy now I’ve failed the test, I was the best
Now I’m down here in the muck with all the rest.
So go ahead and celebrate your narrow minded way
You say that Jesus Christ, your King, was born on Christmas day.
I must restore my balance and just let you just have your say
I hope Saint Nick’las hits you with his sleigh, squashes you flat
Then ‘twould be the end of you, you’d just go splat.