I dunk my cookies in milk. 

That is a statement and it means something. 

If you watched a video of me “dunking” a cookie, and in the video I simply sprinkle some milk on the cookie, you would rightly say that I did not dunk my cookie. 

If you watched a video of me “dunking” a cookie, and in the video I pour milk over the cookie, you would rightly say that I did not dunk my cookie.

Or if you watched a video of me “dunking a cookie”, and in the video I sprinkled some milk on some cookie dough, you would rightly say that I did not “dunk my cookie.” Even if I submerged the dough, it’s still not “Dunking a cookie” because dough isn’t a cookie yet.

Only when I take a baked cookie and submerge it in milk is it truly “dunked.” 

Baptism is the same thing.  The word “baptize” comes from the Greek word “baptizo” which means “to dip, to immerse, to submerge.”  The Enhanced Strong’s Lexicon says “The clearest example that shows the meaning of baptizo is a text from the Greek poet and physician Nicander, who lived about 200 B.C. It is a recipe for making pickles and is helpful because it uses both words. Nicander says that in order to make a pickle, the vegetable should first be ‘dipped’ (bapto) into boiling water and then ‘baptised’ (baptizo) in the vinegar solution. Both verbs concern the immersing of vegetables in a solution. But the first is temporary. The second, the act of baptising the vegetable, produces a permanent change.” 

And just like how dunking cookie dough isn’t “dunking a cookie”, putting water to a person who is not a believer does not “baptize” them.  Even if they were immersed. In a church. By a pastor. It doesn’t matter how young they are or how old they are.  It doesn’t matter, because biblical baptism is the act when a believer is immersed in water as a public demonstration of their professed faith in Christ.

Anything else? You’re just getting wet.